i guess its officially summer for me now. did finals, had a very sad senior week, and have moved all of my things back to pennsylvania with my folks. i don’t plan on being here for very long, though. like always, i’m looking for excuses to leave wherever i am.
being at home has really made me realize how isolated my college atmosphere is, moreso than i had already known. at school, i’m comfortable with my body and feel like i can talk freely. at “home”, i’m scrutinized for having leg hair & consistently told how “disgusting” and “dirty” my armpit hair is. now i’m hyper-aware of what i’m wearing and how i’m going to be perceived.
my mom looked at me the first night i was home and said, “are you angry because you’re a girl?” i said, “i’m angry because everyone assumes i’m a girl.” then we launched into a discussion in which i tried to explain to her that i identify as androgynous, and she was pretty receptive to it. then we talked about the me being queer thing, and she’s still pretty confused about it. its hard to explain to someone what queer means if they’re still fuzzy on the sex/gender split, too.
my sister babysits a family that just got back from the dominican republic. while they were there, the two female children got their hair beaded. all i could think about was how western tourism to the caribbean is a form of exploitation in many senses, especially when white people go there & do shit to make them feel “exotic” or “local” by doing it in offensive ways, and how those little girls & their parents & my sister are so painfully oblivious to all of it. and i couldn’t get any of it out. i wouldn’t be understood. my sister would just wonder why i was nitpicking or giving a shit about something that seemingly didn’t concern me.
i’m currently reading a book called “middlesex” that i found in my school’s free store and i really fucking like it. its about a person who is born, assumed female, then found to be male later on in life thanks to the discovery of undescended testicles. right now its focusing a lot on the main character’s grandparents’ lives with some “current” information thrown in there. i like how it takes a comprehensive look at a persons life instead of a static one.
made vegan nachos last night that my mom loved. tonight i made vegan southwestern skillet supper & vegan double chocolate chip cookies that my dad & sister enjoyed.
converting the masses one dish at a time.
